I'm getting dangerously close to the show. As soon as tomorrow (1 week away) I start a regimen of scrubs and lotions each day to prep my body for the mondo spray tan I will be receiving Friday night. Apparently, not only do I need multiple exfoliations but also the pH of my skin must be just right for the tan to absorb well. Sigh. Did I mention I'm a low maintenance girl? I had to literally write myself sticky notes and post them in my calendar so I remember to scrub and moisturize. Sad.
On the upside, I found some pictures on Facebook of me in March and man have I changed. I just hope it's enough!
Saturday (T-Minus One Week 'til Show)
Scrub and moisturize in preparation of mondo spray tan. Check.
My excitement up until this point is officially being replaced by terror. I am TERRIFIED. Sheez, what is WRONG with me??
I'm full of fear. My hope is to go out there and just not look out of place. Because this is a fitness competition which means there are going to be people there that have been doing this for years. I'll have been at it for 68 days. Seriously? What made me think I could do this?!?! If I can just go on stage and not stick out like a total outcast, I'll be happy. The judges and audience will have no idea the journey I've been on and although I know I am doing this for my challenge and myself, I still don't want to look like a crazy fool. Ughhhhhhhhh.
Sunday (T-Minus 6 Days 'til Show)
Moisturize Only. Check.
My workout today is doubly hard. He's taken it up a notch and we are shredding my legs when my legs have nothing in them to give. Digging very deep emotionally to get the physical to happen today.
Today is my last posing class. The girls are there en masse and all in their suits. Can't wait til I can see mine! Today shook my confidence as apparently my chest and butt are doing a little too much shaking when I walk sassy so I have to tone it down while trying to keep it zesty. Ohhhh, WHY does the last posing class have to be the time when issues arise?? Now I am not feeling so great about my posing.
Monday (T-Minus 5 Days 'til Show)
Today my cardio is done in the morning to shake up the routine and shock the body (as if it hasn't been shocked enough??)
Afternoon workout with trainer included for the first time HIIT training - pushups, crawl into pushups, bicep curls/presses, plank, plank on elbows, plank with toes on exercise ball, lat raises, front raises, elliptical: 20 seconds crush it, 20 seconds leisurely for 5 minutes. Repeat cycle.
We had our competitor team meeting and I got measured. 16.4% body fat!!!! YESSSSSS! Obviously, I would like to be lower than that going into a competition, but hey! 63 days ago I was 29% body fat with a dream of getting into the teens. There are three of us on Team Platinum. This will be the first competition for each of us. The other two are competing in figure so they are extremely lean and looking amazing at this point. I still feel like Fatty McFatty in comparison, but I have to push that feeling out of my head or I will never go through with this. We were informed that much of our Saturday will be in a satin robe (which I need to go buy because sweats is my luxury leisurewear these days and satin is not in my possession) and our competition suits. All three of us have competely different bodies and goals so the trainer was mentioning how interesting it is that we will all be on different food plans going into this competition.
Scrubbed and moisturized today. Check.
Since I workout at the same time every day and have for two months, there are some regular people at the gym that have been watching me work my guts out and watching me transform. I call them my "cheerleaders" because they have always been full of supportive comments, questions about my challenge and excitement about the upcoming show. They are all starting to wish me well and it's very moving. Even the other trainer at the gym is full of excitement about the show and full of helpful advice. These people want me to get out there and reach my goal. It's cool.
The stress of everything is feeling really emotional to me. I am not a very overly-emotional person in general and right now I feel like I could use just a big, unabashed, gut wrenching cry to just cleanse out all the stress and uckiness of the fear and exhaustion and feelings of the journey thus far. But not right now. But definitely before the show sometime so I don't end up tearful during. It's just a lot to take in.
Tuesday (T-Minus 4 Days 'til Show)
Moisturize. Check.
Today's workout involved running and shredding my arms. Without carbs, everything feels so much harder than usual.
I got my hair cut and colored. I went a little blonder which is how I like it. I have no idea how they will style it, so I'm not sure what to do. We left my bangs long and just trimmed to keep it healthy looking.
I left work this afternoon and SWEAR the air outside smelled just like donuts. I'm pretty sure this is the official start of food hallucinations. Mmmm Donutsssss.
I also find myself unable to take my eyes off of other people's food. I'm like a dog. I have to ask people what they've eaten, what are they eating and then I stare at it until it's gone. Woof.
I'm starting to daydream about what I would like to eat after the show. I thought it would be something totally junk food related, but what I really want is a deli style turkey sandwich and a big bowl of fruit. I really miss fruit. It's been weeks without it and I miss that by far more than anything.
Wednesday (T-Minus 3 Days 'til Show)
Scrub and moisturize. Sigh. This is very high maintenance to a low maintenance gal like myself.
I thought I heard my trainer say I would still be getting carbs, just not hydrating after eating them. But I was wrong. No more carbs until after the show. Ugh. Bye bye energy (what was left of it, anyway).
On the upside, I'm down three pounds since Sunday and very stoked to be back in a goal weight range I haven't seen in a longgg time.
My workout consisted of pushing over a huge tire, jumping on it, in it and then over it. Again and again. And squat presses, squat pulls. Running a mile fast. We were done early today, which was fine by me. I'm spent.
I went shopping today and bought a satin robe and some blingy jewelry. I noticed that a lot of the bikini girls wear sparkly earrings and bracelets and I found the perfect things to suit me. That was fun!
There is a bag of sourdough rolls on our kitchen counter that is pure evil. Every time I walk by it I find myself saying out loud unexpectedly "I want that". Bread....mmm...carbs....food....NO! I will leave it as a tempation. Who knew sourdough could be so sexy?
Starting yesterday this is getting really hard. It's a little bit preoccupying in my mind and I'm having to work through some mental endurance. I wasn't expecting it to be easy, but I didn't think through how hard it might be. I can do this.
I went to Shutterbug and printed 8x10's of my before pictures. I'm sitting on the Kodak machine reviewing my pictures. Why, of all the times to go to Shutterbug, do all the machines need to have people on them? I'm sandwiched between two people and here pop up huge images of my before pictures. Nice. People are probably not understanding why I feel the need to enlarge such an unflattering picture. The poor Shutterbug attendant will be earning their money today!! I just hope the images aren't burned into their memories. Maybe I'll leave them a tip...
I've received a couple of emails from the tanning outfit who will be doing the spray tans at the competitions. Both were disturbing in their own right.
Email #1: Excerpt of interest
Sleeping:
Wearing cotton gloves while you sleep can save your palms and alleviate 70% of touchups.
Sleeping with stacked pillows under your knees will keep you from sleeping on your side. Sleeping on your side will allow your legs to touch which creates heat and you sweat where your legs touch. If you stack some pillows under your shoulders this also helps keep you from side sleeping, for me it is comfortable. Well as comfortable as you can get the night before your show.
Keep yourself lightly clothed, I sleep in my contest suit, for women that may not be very comfortable so sleep in as little as you can. If you have a pair of silk pajamas, that is best.
These are guidelines that will help keep your tan in good shape over night. Stay dry, cool, and comfortable!
Do I REALLY need to buy cotton gloves? The sleep situation as outlined above seems like I can throw away any ideas of being comfortable and getting rested for the show. Fantastic!
Email #2: Even more disturbing
This email made me spit out my drink as it said after today you won't be wearing deodorant anymore. Apparently, if you do, the spray tan can turn your armpits green.
Hm, two more days of workouts, hovering over massage clients, and generally living in close contact with people and I have to swear off deodorant?? Oh. Boy. Does the glamour ever end?
Thursday (T-Minus 2 Days 'til Show)
Moisturize. Done.
2 cardio sessions today, done separately
Got a pedicure. As per my posing coach, French tips on the toes is best.
Got a wax. I didn't have to Nair my arms or anything since I sport more of a peach fuzz than hair, but a good solid wax is unavoidable when you are parading around in a doilie.
My plan is to drink lots and lots of water today because after tonight, I do not get any more water until after the show. Anyone who knows me knows water is very imperative to me. I'm nervous about not being able to have any.
I am supposed to shower tonight but not tomorrow also due to water restriction. Apparently my skin can drink too much water too?? Who knew??
So...no deodorant....no shower...what is backstage going to smell like? Blech.
Tonight I finally get to try on my suit. Normally a suit would be done way before now. But I think my people were waiting to see if I was actually going to go through with it. And then with my dimensions changing so much, it's hard to have it done super early. My suit is custom made for me, I got to go and pick out the fabric and expressed my desire for as much bling and sparkle as possible. We discussed suit types and she knew exactly the style I would've chosen which looks best on my body shape: string bikini bottom and halter style top. My suit it beautiful. Sparkly jewels and a gorgeous pink/purple metallic color. But it's awfully small. And on my body it seems even smaller. I just happened to run into another bikini competitor when I went to go try it on and it's a girl I went to high school with so that was such a small world experience. It was fun to run into her, but made me anxious because next to her, I felt like Godzilla. But I'm gonna have to get over that feeling because it is very likely I will feel like that all weekend. Get over it, sister.
When I left the fitting with my suit in hand, I was unnerved. Officially. Freaking. Out. I can't do this. Can I do this? What ever made me think I could do this in two months? Please don't let me look like a total freak out there. Does my suit even fit? Should I turn back and have her refit it? How is my butt not going to totally eat the tiny back of that suit? Is there a Godzilla class in Bikini? I'm in trouble. What do I do? I can't back out now? Can I? Should I? Hey, people like booty. I could go for a Beyonce sort of twist to this thing. No. I'm not lean enough. It's going to be bad. Very very bad. And worse. On the internet.
I texted my trainer. God Bless my trainer. I'm sure I unleashed all sorts of crazy via text message on this poor man. He asked me to send over some pics of me in my suit to help me verify whether in fact we are crazy by entering me in this stinkin' contest. He assured me I looked fine and adding spray tan and dehydration would be that much better. I asked if I could request a Jamaican tan. He laughed. I didn't. I had to just completely trust his judgment and reassurance, which is practially impossible for me to do. But I did. What choice did I have?
My husband witnessed my complete meltdown and had me try on the suit at home and thought it looked great. Okay. Feeling a little better. Because my husband wouldn't tell me that if he didn't know it to be true to his opinion.
I killed it during my second cardio workout in reaction to all the fears listed above. I drank tons of water and took a long shower to clean off the crazies.
Friday (T-Minus 1 Day 'til Show)
All I get to eat today is chicken five times. No fluids. No shower. Chicken. Dry. Chicken. No Drink. Chicken. I'm so hungry I don't care.
But by 11am I am missing water in a big way. To the point I have to close my eyes and tell myself I have to get through this. That it's not reasonable that I could possibly be dehydrated already. I've had plenty of water leading up to this point. In the past I could've run a half marathon on the water that is in my body now so let's be reasonable here, Melissa. In the future I would not work on this day. I would stay in my jammies and stare off into space which is exactly how I could've best managed this day.
I got fake finger nails. Full set of gel with French tips. They were so pretty but such a waste for me because I have to file them all back down to massage therapist nubs by Sunday night. Pity.
I'm in that weird space today. No workout. Idle calm time between normal life and a whirlwind of a weekend that is going to change my life story.
After I got my nails done I headed home and we waited for my parents to pick us up and make the 3 hour drive to the resort. I've never packed so little for a weekend away...bikini, 5" heels, satin robe, flip flops, sweats and some chicken. Here we go!
I arrived around 6. Checked into my hotel which was just across the street from Seven Feathers Resort & Casino. All the twiggy or buff people were obviously there for the competition. The other folks looked shocked to see so many twiggy and buff people roaming around and were apparently there for a vacation of sorts. I met up with my peeps, my trainer and teammates. I was feeling extremely apprehensive and still 1 strand from coming unglued at this point. Plus I was starving which means illogical. Plus I was thirsty which means desperate. Strung out seems like an appropriate descriptor.
I felt bad for my teammate Amanda. She was having some bloating issues and had to do a workout in her sweatsuit in a sauna. She looked purple and miserable. I wish I could've seen that workout but was so incredibly thankful I didn't have to do it.
We went to check in. You have to wear your suit under your clothes and then pull down your pants and flash your butt to the lady at check in to make sure your suit isn't too skimpy (loose definition here) for their "family oriented" show. Mmm hmm. Okay. I studied the lady's face very carefully to see if she was shocked or mortified by my butt. Nope. Okay then. Got my height measured and then confirmed my contest division with the officials. There were some verrrrry beautiful girls at check-in and I started to go down my shame spiral again. Normally I'm such a rise-to-the-occasion girl. But I find that where my body image and self confidence are linked, there's a break in the bridge. This whole experience is hitting a nerve for me. A deeply personal one. If I survive this, it will be a miracle.
We had girl time back at the hotel and then went to our spray tan appointments. Part of the hotel conference room and the hallway are now lined with canvas sheets on the floor and plastic all over the walls. There is a big arena of plastic with zipper door entries. You go in and it's like a tan-tent-city in there. I could've gotten the lady for my spray tan. But no. I got Joe Pesci's Northwest equivalent. Had had to lift up "the girls" to spray and dry under them. (Can somebody verify I didn't get duped into going to second base?) Then he crouched down in front of me and thoroughly sprayed my nether-regions brown. Just another day at the office, ya know? I'm a massage therapist and even I was feeling a little exposed. The good thing is, after that, all inhibitions were G.O.N.E. My doilie looked like a bodysuit now!
After our tans, we laughed, took some pictures and went our separate ways to bed.
After I got back to my hotel room I realized Houston, we have a problem. A big one. All the sheets and towels in the hotel are stark white and I am such an incredibly ridunkulous color of orange/brown. I frantically texted one of my teammates. Apparently she got the memo to bring old sheets to sleep on. Oh no. What am I gonna do? Roam the night like a supertan vampire? I decide to lay out my clothes chalk-outline style on the brown carpet on the floor of the hotel room, line my body up in exactly the formation and try to just sleep soundly and not move in this formation. That lasted until 2:30 in the morning. I was freezing. And I moved and smudged tan on the carpet. And oops I woke up on my side which is a tanning no-no and now my legs will need touched up. And I'm thirsty and hungry, miserably tired and really irritated that I can't find a brown piece of linen anywhere in this joint. I decide to put my sweatsuit on (my legs are already ruined) and lay out a white towel on an armchair and then I line the ottoman with, get this, KLEENEX all over the thing and strategically place myself on it. I put the hood up on my sweatshirt and put a rolled towel under my neck and managed to sleep most of the rest of the night this way. Who knew that naked wearing cotton gloves would've in fact been the better alternative for sleeping?? Un-be-freaking-lievable.
Believe it or not, I was thankful when morning arrived. Thankful because I don't have to get my PhD to figure out how to sleep with a spray tan on any longer. Good grief.
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